Where the Wild Things Are
by southerngirl89
Summary: In a post A.D. world, anything is possible. Now in her mid-20s and trying to move past the events of Rosewood, Spencer Hastings is exploring a whole new side of herself - and exploring a whole new side of one of her best friends, too.
1. Where the Wild Things Are

**Where the Wild Things Are**

Disclaimer: I don't own Spencer or any PLL characters - however awesome that may be. Shoutout to Netflix for allowing me to binge watch this gem, as I never watched it while it aired because I didn't think I'd like it. Little did I know... and to you, thanks for being here, and as always, reviews make the world go round.

* * *

 **Chapter One: Mask Off**

 _Blue and white. Blue and white. Cylindrical. Encapsulated._

Spencer Hastings repeated these words in her head like the beat of a metronome as she stared into the open palm of her hand. Three blue and white pills sat in her hand. Tempting her. Teasing her.

She opened her mouth and breathed out slightly, running the tip of her tongue along her bottom lip. Her lips felt like the Sahara desert, dry and cracked, waiting desperately for rain that would never come.

30 milligrams of Adderall. _Just enough to read this law proposal_ , she thought, _no more. No less. Right?_ Spencer bargained with herself.

She attempted to wet her dry, chapped lips again when her trance was broken by a swift knock at her door.

"Spencer, honey... your father needs me to take him to the airport. I'm dropping him off and bringing home food. Call if you're going out." Her mother's voice rang through the door.

When Veronica's muffled voice drifted through the door, Spencer jumped, startled, and the pills scattered onto the bed. As she listened to her mother's footsteps pad downstairs, she caught a glimpse of herself in her mirror.

Dark bags sat under her eyes. Her face looked washed out and almost jaundiced. Her hair, which hadn't been brushed in nearly two days, stuck out at odd angles around her face. Her brown locks were pulled into a low ponytail that looked tangled and unruly. "Wow," she said aloud to herself in the mirror, "way to look like shit."

She stared at her reflection. She couldn't in good faith recognize the person staring back at her. The Spencer she knew was determined. Witty. Strong. This shell, this bag of bones, staring back at her in the mirror looked defeated and weak.

Rolling her eyes at herself, she picked up the three pills from the bed and slammed them into her mouth, dry swallowing them. She cleared her throat and swallowed again - she had begun to almost like the feeling of them being almost stuck in her throat. At least she was feeling something.

* * *

 _Drip. Drip. Drip._

Her brain buzzed, the space in between her ears alive with the entire's days thoughts crashing into one another. Despite having slammed the Adderall earlier, Spencer's mind wouldn't allow her to focus on one certain train of thought. However, with the traffic jam in her brain, she still managed to hear the constant _drip drip drip_ of the kitchen faucet.

She was seated at the bar in her mother's kitchen. Various law books and papers and yellow legal pads littered the counter in front of her. She let her eyes drift to the leaking faucet. _Drip_. Another bead of water squeezed from the faucet and plopped heavily into a water-filled bowl sitting in the sink. She watched water drip from the tap for what seemed to be an eternity.

All those reading materials scattered in front of her should be her main focus. She had done exceptionally well so far in law school. Accepted into Columbia University, despite all previous events (Radley, involvement in multiple murder cases,) that could have derailed her college career, she had been amazed to receive a full scholarship. Even though the college had been in New York, she chose it because she wanted to be closer to Toby.

After the events with her deranged sister, Toby had landed a job as construction supervisor on a project in New York. Seeing his talents, the company decided to help put him through architect school so he could become a permanent fixture in their company. The company built various buildings, mainly skyscrapers, all over the country and were expanding into Dubai. By the time Toby would finish school, he would be polished to be a liaison for the company with the Dubai projects. He and Spencer had planned their life around this because they would most likely have to relocate to Dubai or either spend a good part of their life in between there and New York.

Spencer had been excited for change. Excited for travel. Her plans were to finish law school, get a year or two of experience under her belt, and then, if need be, she could relocate with Toby. Becoming a law firm consultant for his company or any company would be a breeze. For the young woman who had previously wanted to take on Washington, a foreign country would be a welcome challenge.

Her life in New York with Toby had become routine. Spencer, at first, had been content with the routine. With the way her teenage years had been, any sense of normalcy, even a boring life, would be better than what A and A.D. had planned for her. She still sometimes woke up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat and shivering, sometimes not quite knowing where she was upon waking, scared shitless. Toby had done his best to console her, and he had done a fine job in the beginning. Spencer had never felt safer than when he was near or when she was in his arms. Despite all they had been through, and how unrealistic it was for a high school couple to make it as long as they had, they had beaten the odds.

That was, until, Hanna Marin had broken into Spencer's perfect little Toby bubble and made her question every fiber of her being with one kiss. And Spencer's whole world, whole existence, had come spiraling down around her.


	2. All Falls Down

**Chapter Two: All Falls Down**

Since permanently leaving Rosewood, Spencer and the rest of her friends had stayed in touch, however sparingly. Visits with one another were infrequent. Occasional texts were sent to check up on one another. Plans were made that never sufficed. They called each other on birthdays and anniversaries and couldn't believe they were old enough to have to keep up with anniversaries and birthdays of babies. Spencer and Emily sometimes talked on the phone, but between coaching the swim team after school and raising two children with Alison, she didn't have much time to play catch up.

Aria and Ezra had married, of course, and Spencer still checked in on them from time to time. They both traveled most of the time, and the last she had heard from them, they were looking into adoption. Aria had lunch with Spencer from time to time in the city if both schedules allowed; however, those had been becoming less and less frequent. Part of Spencer ached for the nostalgia and the familiarity of her childhood friendships. Those girls had been through some real shit together. Things most adults never had to worry about, and even things that half the time weren't even believable. But they had happened. And they had all survived. Spencer knew part of growing up meant to grow apart.

Since being in New York, Hanna and Spencer had spent the most time together - which actually hadn't been much more than any of the other girls. Hanna had made quite a name for herself by working under Marc Jacobs, then running one of his major fashion shows in Paris as creative director, and then being able to begin her own fashion line from that success. They had gotten lunch a few times when Spencer had recesses in court, and they sometimes had drinks.

Toby and Caleb had sparked quite the bromance in New York, and the girls laughed about it all the time. Caleb could usually work from his home office unless he was meeting new clients about security software, so when Toby was free, he and Caleb usually had a beer together. Sometimes the four of them went out. They all laughed about old times - sometimes avoiding certain topics the way old friends do who have been through too much together, heavy stuff, because they didn't want to dredge up those parts of the past. They had moved on from it. All of them couldn't believe how a gang of mixed up kids who had been caught in the web of lies they had endured had come out on the other side and were doing so well for themselves.

That reason alone was enough for Spencer to have so many mixed emotions about current events happening in her life. She and Toby were doing so well. She couldn't bear the thought of breaking his heart and her own in the process. These feelings nearly started tearing her apart. Even with everything Spencer had been through, she never would have known or even guessed that a certain fiesty, outspoken blonde female would make her question everything about herself.

* * *

 _(2 Weeks Earlier)_

Spencer leaned back into the cushy, oversized chair of the coffee shop she often frequented after class. She came here so much that she could walk in, wave at Ben behind the counter, then proceed to her favorite spot in the back corner and the eager employee would have her supersize drip with three sugars out to her within 5 minutes. Ben, fresh out of high school, had begged Spencer to go on a date with him until Toby had come in with her one afternoon. Now Ben was more respectful, but he still ran his little coffee-carrying feet off when Spencer was there. Spencer thought it was cute.

She and Toby had fallen into a routine - a rut. She studied all the time, and Toby worked all the time. They had little time for spending time with one another. Spencer didn't know how many nights now that she had gone to bed sexually frustrated and wanting Toby to touch her in any type of way. The last time they had sex, she initiated it, and it was a half-hearted attempt in the shower before Spencer had to be in court. Sighing, she took a sip of her coffee, staring at her law book but not seeing it, because she was reminiscing about Toby's abs glistening under the steady stream of the warm shower. He stepped towards her, licking his lips, and -

"Wow, is that law book something I need to read, Spence?"

Spencer was broken out of her reverie by a voice coming from above a pair of dark Manolo Blahnik heels and tanned legs. She looked up to see Hanna, dressed to the nines in one of her dresses she had designed herself, grinning above her.

"What, Han?" Spencer asked, clearing her throat and trying to shake the reverie, "what are you doing on this side of the city?" She stood up to hug her friend.

"You look like Mr. Grey will see you now." Hanna said, hugging her slightly taller friend.

Spencer cocked an eyebrow as they both sat down.

"Hello? 50 Shades of Grey? You looked like you had been reading girl porn. If law school is that hot, sign me up," Hanna laughed. She pushed her dark sunglasses up from her face and onto the top of her head.

Spencer looked down at her book, shaking her head. "You would have the courtroom assembled into the runway in no time."

"Better believe it! That's actually what I'm here for. I'm wanting to start a line for the professional woman," Hanna said, pointing to her notebook where she kept sketches of dresses, "you know, lawyers, business ladies, nurses, the works."

"Nurses wear scrubs, Hanna."

Hanna's forehead wrinkled, clearly annoyed at Spencer's need to correct every detail. "Okay, the people above nurses, whatever," she shook her head and continued on, "but you're the only lawyer I know."

"Studying to be a lawyer, and-" Spencer was cut off by an exasperated sigh from Hanna.

"Ugh, forget it, Spence. I'm totally kidding about this whole 'professional line' anyway. How boring is that? I can't even try to make a joke with you 'cause you're gonna correct my whole life." She leaned back into the chair, throwing her arms over her chest.

Spencer laughed, reaching over and lightly touching Hanna's knee. She missed the fact that Hanna's eyes flickered up to hers when she felt Spencer's hand on her knee. "I'm sorry, Han. Really. Let me buy a coffee for you since clearly you left your adult self at home and are whiny, baby Hanna today." She pursed her lips at Hanna, making a baby face, and then grinned.

"Hate from a Hastings, how original," Hanna said moodily, but she was smiling.

Ben hurried over with Hanna's order now, beaming brightly at her. He stuttered to her that if she needed anything to let him know. Spencer watched Hanna. She raised her cup up to her lips, kept her head slightly down, but raised her bright blue eyes to him, smiling slightly behind her cup. She didn't speak, but she nodded slightly. Spencer smirked internally, looking at Ben. His face had turned bright red. He might as well have melted into the floor.

"Han _na_ , don't play with his emotions." Spencer said, drawing out the last syllable of her name. She had watched the cat and mouse game of Hanna flirting with guys for years. Spencer had tried to model herself somewhat after Hanna in that way because Hanna could make the slightest glance look sexy and seductive. At the same time, she was one of the silliest people Spencer knew.

Hanna sighed, leaning back in the chair and crossing one tanned leg over the other. "Why not? I need something to play with," she mumbled.

Spencer studied Hanna's face but she only wore a guarded look. "Everything okay with you and Caleb?"

When they had first moved to New York, Caleb had been a subject that, though not quite awkward to talk about, had been a little strange to broach at first. Both Hanna and Spencer had fallen in love with the same man, slept with the same man, and ultimately Caleb and Hanna hadn't been able to stay away from each other. The girls had treated the whole thing with much more dignity and grace neither one of them figured they had, but they did it. Now the two were able to talk relationships with each other and weren't thinking about how they had both been underneath Caleb's naked physique and it hadn't torn apart their friendship.

"If you call a divorce everything being okay, then sure, everything is totally sauce," Hanna said quietly.

Spencer was stunned for a moment. "Gravy."

"You want gravy in your coffee? Gross," Hanna made a face like that was the most disgusting thing she'd ever heard.

"No, Hanna, not in my-," Spencer said, "gravy is the expression you're looking for. Everything is gravy, not sauce."

Hanna just stared at her friend, a blank look on her face.

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. I wasn't sure what to say at first. I'm shocked. Are you joking?" Spencer asked.

"Wow, that's a first. You have nothing to say," Hanna said, rolling her eyes before continuing, "and no, not a joke. We even agreed to counseling. Even the counselor suggested we just move on."

Spencer watched Hanna as she talked. She tapped her cup nervously with a perfectly manicured nail. She noticed a sadness in Hanna's eyes, which was understandable, because of all their relationships, Spencer thought Hanna and Caleb may have the best shot at surviving.

"I'm so sorry, Han," She reached over, grabbing Hanna's hand. Hanna squeezed it back and pursed her lips together, lifting one shoulder in a half-hearted shrug.

"Just goes to show love isn't enough sometimes. We're just not on the same page with anything anymore. Ever since I lost the baby, things haven't been _gravy_ ," Hanna said, casting her eyes downward, trying to laugh slightly. She just sounded sad. Now her eyes began to well up with tears.

Spencer couldn't stand to see Hanna cry, especially not over the loss of her child. Hanna had miscarried early in the pregnancy, and the loss had devastated her and Caleb. She squeezed her hand again. "Hey, you guys gave it the best you could. If you went to counseling and tried to communicate and listen to one another, after everything you've been through, then you know you gave it everything you had."

Hanna drew in a deep breath, letting go of Spencer's hand and wiping underneath her eyes before the tears fell. "That's kinda what Toby told Caleb."

"Toby knew?"

Hanna was now the one who studied Spencer's features, and she now the one who wore a guarded look.

"Um, yeah," Hanna said quietly, "Caleb told him after our last and final disaster of stupid counseling."

Spencer nodded, then shrugged. "Well, I-" she was cut off by her phone ringing. "This is the firm, let me take this."

Hanna sipped on her coffee while Spencer talked, not really paying attention.

"All right. Thank you so much," Spencer hung up, smiling.

Though she was sad for Hanna and Caleb divorcing, and the apparent lack of communication between her and Toby that was becoming more evident, she was going to be strong. For herself and for Hanna.

"I've got a free day tomorrow. No court. Wanna go forget about all this for a little while?" Spencer stood up, smoothing out her dress pants.

"Drinks on me first round. Mr. Security Empire King can buy a few," Hanna said, laughter in her voice, and linked arms with Spencer as they headed toward the door.


End file.
